We press on, and we turn to the next chapter

Well I assume my computer has an issue with blogger because its not letting me upload photos and I am backlogged on things I wanted to post like Tv show reviews, game reviews, and funnies. Oh well. Since I don't keep any personal feelings or information on facebook I guess I can here. This thing is now just a text journal and I don't want to get rid of it. So where to start? Well life is great as I am very lucky as a person, or in my own belief, blessed by god. I am totally lost as always but I don't feel like I will never find the answer because I know its waiting for me. I have no idea what to do for a career. I am not looking to become a millionaire or famous. Simplicity will make me happy. I enjoy my job now because its easy, good experience, decent pay, and I work with really great people that are very friendly and joke with me on a personal level. That kind of joking is usually done with friends but sadly I am short on those these days.

I gave up on my best friend recently. It broke my heart to do so but how  long can you keep holding out your hand to help before your arm feels like its going to fall off? I couldn't do it any longer, and for someone in as poisonous of a marriage that he is, its only going to end very badly and I just don't want to, or can't bare to see that happen to the one person I connect with like no one else. Change sucks, it hits hard right where it hurts the most. All last year I have been dreaming of being back here at home and that dream was just was it was: A dream. Its nothing like I imagined. Its just depressing and sad around here. However, I am glad to be back and I know God put me here for a reason.

I've never talked about this before because I have been so confused on this that I have screwed up every relationship I have ever had the in the past. Funny thing is, I am the last guy all of my ex's have dated before getting married to the next one. I'm like that Dane Cook movie but far less attractive than him and I won't find the girl I am meant to be with most likely. Oh I know people will say there's someone out there for everyone, or there are soul mates. I have never believed in that. I have never believed in that because I found mine a long time ago, and I lost her. So if they truly exist, I am SOL. I've been so lost and confused that I've ignored it all of these years. Ever since I've returned home the feelings have flooded through me and thats when I finally knew for sure. I am still so sure about this, but I don't want to be anymore. I've been in love with that girl for over ten years now. That is the reason all of my past relationships have failed, well that, and I am an ass but you get the picture. I've never publicy discussed this before but I don't care anymore. I have plenty of opportunities to meet new women and possibly go on dates, and I have tried but nothing is changing in me and nothing ever will. I have never pictured myself married, with kids, in a nice home, white picket fence, working 9-5. That life was never meant for me but with her, I have seen that future and it never scares me. Why does that not terrify me when I have seen the ugly side of Marriage? I will never know. But how is someone who has not seen you in ten years supposed to believe that? It's insanity. Well the answers are out there waiting for me to discover them at the right time, this I know.

Now I have decided to give up trying to claim a fantasy.  I don't care about making new friends and I don't care about where I end up. I am taking better care of myself and I am becoming more active and I am going to be traveling in my spare time to ride bike trails all over my state. You know I have been back and forth across this country and I have never seen most of my own damn state. It is time that has changed. I have a list of bike trails all over this state and as I save up the gas money I will ride them all. No this is not a bucket list thing because I don't give a damn if I die next year. I am doing this because it is something I can do that make me very happy. Writing makes me happy, but I can't do it. Music makes me very happy, but again, I can't do it. Traveling and seeing new places, makes me very happy and thats what I am going to do until the big man tells me its time for something else. Well sorry my blogger has become quite boring, but until I can upload photos, what the hell else am I supposed to do? Thanks for reading, stay tuned for more.. of what.. I have no idea!

Marching towards victory

Haven't came up with a name for this yet. It's a play on the victory theme I have for the game. I'd like to throw lyrics to it but again haven't came up with anything yet. The feel of this makes me think it should be in the third act not too long before the final showdown. We'll see!

Untitled Theme Instrumental

The next chapter of life

Over the past few years I've felt so lost in life and not sure where to go or what to do. Not much has happened to me since I have been home but a lot has changed in me. I can't explain what I am feeling but I am going somewhere. Where? I have no clue but the next chapter of life is going to be very exciting, but I am not writing it! I finally landed an office job that I thought I would never be able to do. I can do it very well now, and you know what? It's boring me. I love my job and the people I work with, but it is boring me. This is not a bad thing. I feel like I have proved once and for all that I can do the clerical work that I have always felt I was denied for. Now I am ready for something more challenging but what is to come? I don't know. I am loving school, and I will have my associates in business not too long from now. I have decided to not follow through on the bachelor in business but swap over to some sort of design program. Why not learn what I truly love??? I want to write, build, design, create something and give it life. The business degree will be very helpful so I am not regretting it, especially because of the writing classes I am currently taking. They are a huge help. I am ready to start the first draft of my thriller/vigilante novel. This one is easier to tackle right now than the epic fantasy story right now. I feel God leading me in a direction. I don't know where, and I don't care as long as he's pulling the reigns. I know this though. I have missed my home very much, but this is not where I am meant to stay. I am very happy here but I belong somewhere else. The time will come for me to move on once and for all. When? I don't know. A lot has changed in me though. I don't fear losing my job because I will always find something else. I really feel I have a new trust in God. It's a big leap for me, especially with financial freedom. I am terrified to take risks with money. I never had anything to fear though, just me being stupid. Well anyway, I am just excited for what's to come. I admit, I had a completely different picture in my head of what it was gonna be like living here at home again. Sadly, it's very depressing. I see failed marriages carrying on like its a funny joke that people just live with because they feel there is no alternative. Well I can't begin to understand that because I have never been married and I do not have children. My choice though, and I have been smart about that. I can't be around people like that though. It's very depressing to see. Life doesn't have to be that way, just have a little faith. Ask him for an answer. You'll be surprised, I promise you that. Now down to business. The synopsis of this novel I have an outline for:

"The Unforgiven"

For Detective Mark Townsend, his job has always been clear: Catch the bad guys, and fight for justice. In a city growing more violent every year, it's harder for Mark to walk the path of the light. Just one year ago, his system failed and allowed a teenage boy to be killed in the middle of a courtroom. Now Mark is beginning to realize the american justice system is failing. He is ready to give up the life of law enforcement once and for all. The day he is about to hand in his badge, a horrific murder is committed. The recent rise in violence has hit a breaking point and now a ruthless vigilante is on the loose. Intrigued by the unique way this killer is committing the crimes, Detective Townsend suits up for one last game. This time though, he faces something more dangerous than ever before: his own conscience, which has him wondering if letting this killer do what he does best, is really a bad thing after all....

The Dark Knight Rises (Spoiler Warning)

    MAJOR SPOILER ALERT************ Now that everyone has had a chance to see this film I can finally go into my full review. I think this was a great film, if you look at it by ITSELF. When put in this trilogy, it was just not up to par. Christopher Nolan had made some huge shoes to fill after The Dark Knight, but he didn't even try to fill them. The villians were not nearly as entertaining or charismatic like Ledger's role was. I expected a lot more from this film. The minute Nolan announced he will finish his trilogy he was saying he is done with Batman after this. Well the main feeling I got from this film was that he was tired of Batman and just wanted to end it. His story seemed rushed and made really no impact compared to the other films. The greatest thing about this film were the amazing effects he used on Pittsburgh. To see Heinz Field caving in as football players are running across it was really cool.

Where were Bale's good lines? The scenes from TDK where Batman was patching himself up and explaining he was attacked by dogs. Alfred is surprised he had a problem with dogs. Bale quickly responds in defense "They were big dogs." Or when he is ready to reveal himself as Batman and Alfred says they will have to lock him up too, as his accomplice. Bale quickly smarts off "I am gonna tell them it was all your idea." Where were this comedic elements? Yes this film was very dark and set it a rough time of Batmans life but these aspects were what made the previous film so much better. Heath Ledger's performance was nothing short of brilliant but that was not the only thing that made the film great. Sadly TDKR was missing a lot of the other elements that pieced TDK together so well. My intial theory on this film's plot would have been so much better. Batman is on the run from the police leaving Gotham to fall prey to criminals once again. Insert Selina Kyle, a theif turned Vigilante that decides to pick up where Batman left off but instead of Wayne's faith in the justice system, she will kill the bad guys. Then enter Bane with the mass destruction plot. Bane's plan to finish was Liam's character started in the first film was just not that great of a plot. Very creative to trap the entire police force underground but just didn't play out that well. Then Bane releases all the criminals in the city yet the league of Shadows was determined to Punish Criminals in their own ways. This made no sense to me. Also Bane's mask and why he needs it was never fully explained except that he was attacked trying to save Talia, who pretends to be a love interest for Bruce until turning on him in the end which was not very surprising to me either. Selina Kyle was mostly an ally to Batman which was odd to me.

I did enjoy the ending though. Batman flys off with the nuke appearing to be killed but only to leave Gotham for good with Selina while officer Blake is revealed to be Robin who is seen most likely finding the Bat Cave and becoming Gotham's next hero. So much for no cliffhangers! I still think it was a great ending though. Now there is a chance for someone to continue this with a Robin or Nightwing film. Who knows!

Of all of Nolan's films I feel this was just not his best work. It could have been so much better if he weren't in such a hurry to end his story and move on to whatever projects that he is interested in. The Dark Knight will always reign supreme as one of the best films I have ever seen. Batman Begins is much better than the final installment. The Dark Knight Rises was just a quick ending to an amazing story the creator didn't want to spend a lot of time on.                

The Unforgiven - excerpt I

The fantasy world we live in makes me laugh. Do you know what the truth is about our world? It is ugly. It is dark. It is violent and people will continue to die every day. The day I caught him was a glorious day. The man that took my son from me. As I held the gun in hand and raised it to his whimpering face I felt powerful, oh yes. The familiar click of the hammer cocking was sweet music to my ears. He begged in the end. Like a wallowing rat that deserved no mercy, he begged me not to do it. The thunder that came next was a sound I will never forget. He took my son and I finally took him. Vengeance doesn't fill the hole that's left in your heart from something like that. There is truly nothing worse than a mother or father outliving their child. I will never have relief from my pain and I know that now. My past life as a performer has been over for years but now I have a chance to change the world. My skills can be utilized for the greater good. Evil walks these streets every day and innocent people get caught in it's wake. I would die for my town. I would gladly trade my life for my son's life but that is not how it works. There are no superheroes that show up to save the day. There are no millionaire's to build an alterego and teach criminals the way of the world because they will never learn. There is a way to punish them though. I can create something to fight against the darkness. The police will call it a vigilante but it will be a vigilante like nothing they've ever seen. Things are going to get bloody before it all ends. They will all fall beneath the very blades I made a living with all those years ago. The bible may say that those who ask for forgiveness may be forgiven but I refuse to believe that. There are those people that walk this planet like the man that took my son. They prey on the innocent. They pollute our homes with drugs and violence. I will make a mark on this world and they shall be known. They are the unforgiven.

The children have spoken!!! ... sort of

I doubt I will ever have children but as much of a smart ass as I am, I would totally help them do this as well!

Doesn't stop them from syphoning your allowance!!

Totally

He brought tears to a lot of our eyes little one..

Same here.. well not with a doll house.. more of a "cat house" type, never mind

oh we've all been lied to kid..

I'm scared

Speaking the truth!!!

I can't even afford to go to the uni-mart down the street...

Honk if I pay for your foodstamps, your unemployement, and now your health insurance..
I think they broke their horn...

Just don't try to hide your money up your ass, believe me they'll find it.. *limps away*

"Peace for everyone--- I just sh*t my pants.."

Thanks to Oddee

No rest for the faithless

When I look back on who I used to be compared to now I laugh. My old self would never believe I'd turn out the way I am now. Constantly being chastised by my mother about my faith and beliefs. Well she was right in the end like all moms are. You can't ever prove mom wrong, she's been in the game longer than me. I never believed the idea of religion should be pushed onto non believers because what it comes down to is a personal choice. I'd find myself saying I'd never tell someone about God or why you should have faith in him. Now so much has happened in my life that I feel its a crime to not share how much better life can be if you just put a little trust in the man upstairs.

I come home to find people I care about in a rutt. They have problems that make the ones I had seem like nothing. I try to tell them to just ask for help. You'd be surprised at what can happen by just taking that little step. I have been planning on moving home for long time before I actually did it. I had a plan but it seemed so far fetched and as the months creeped by the plan began to fall apart. I had no idea how I was going to get home. I was praying before all of this and after. I got no answer though. Why am I saying all of this if after the months and months of praying, I did not get an answer or any clarification that I'll be alright. Because I already had the answer. A few months into moving to California, I ventured to a new church and I made a great friend. Turns out that friend would be the answer to how I would get home. You can say that it was just coincidence or luck but I know what it was. It was a plan executed long before I even knew what I wanted.

You want an answer? You have to ask and be patient because the solution is most likely already in the works as you ask for it. You want something? You have to ask if you should go after it. If you are meant to go after it then you'll be constantly pushed to chase. I am being pushed right now to chase something I know is a lost cause. For some reason though, I am seeing the signs everywhere no matter how hard I try to ignore them and go on with my life. I'm being lead in a direction that I can't control and I must say... I love it. So I reccomend sitting back, asking for help and let faith take the wheel now. You're in for something that will change your life forever.