The big Blog of Death

It's strange that I feel like blogging about this subject but it's a subject we all have to deal with one way or another and it effects us all differently at certain points of our lives. I went through a huge fear of death as a kid around the time my aunt was killed just yards from where I lived in Seven Fields and it was very distressing. Now I make lots of jokes but if there is someone out there that reads this and it just makes them feel even an ounce better, I consider it a win in my column!

I think the general hope when our time comes is to go in our sleep peacefully and painlessly and that is totally understandable. Some people even like me, would even prefer to eventually see it coming like a cancer or something. Odd yes, but the fact is we'd like to know and that way prepare and I was on this myself but I have been so spiritual lately that I have had a change of heart and I really do have a way I hope I pass onto the next phase of existence.

I'm by no way a hero, yet I want to write characters based off myself as a hero. Maybe I have a god complex, maybe I love myself just a little bit too much? Probably, but the point is in real life, chances are I will never be a real hero. Maybe, but I do not plan on becoming a paramedic, a firefighter, a police officer, ect.. the real heroes of our world. Notice how I did not put superhero in there, because no one can pass on that if given the chance am I right? You'll never catch me in tights though.. they may be great for agility, and aerodynamics, but they are little suffocating of the good parts. If Clark Kent were actually real I'd bet he'd be icing his balls after a hard day of fighting Lex, I'm just saying.

Anywho, how do I want to die when my time comes. I want to take on death like jumping into that really cold lake. I don't want to slowly dip my foot in, and creep into up to my chest, and then just go under. No I want to run straight at it, like running into an explosion. I want to be here one second, gone the next. I would consider it a fail if I didn't run full force into the white pearly gates without stopping. That's right, I am so damn clumsy that the first I do on the otherside is walk into something, it just sounds right doesn't it?

How can I talk so causually about this thing? I don't know. I truly have nothing to be afraid of in death anymore. Something inside of me knows that this world cannot and is not the only thing out there. This is why I feel sorry for Athiests, not anger and hostility. How must it feel to truly believe this life, of up to 100 years only, is it. That beyond death lies nothing but a black abyss? I do believe its my faith in God that helps me overcome this fear but too many things have happened in my life that cannot be blind luck. Too many things have woven themselves together just so perfectly that everything I've done and everywhere I will be going and doing next will come together. They say faith changes you, well it certainly does. Now enough seriousness, this is weird. I need to go make fun of something before I vomit, bye

Positive Thoughts

I want to talk about positive thoughts. I was thinking about this alot last night and I keep seeing so much negative stuff out there, it's quite depressing. First of all, I want to say that no one gets frustrated with the dumbest stuff more than me. The top five things that frustrate me more than anything are merely superficial and pointless to even get bothered by, but I am not above such things sadly.

1. Bad Drivers
Oh yes, I have terrible road rage. The thing that really irritates me are when these california people fly on by going way over the speed limit with not a care in the world. They never get pulled over, but yet I seem to attract the attention of police like flies on dog crap.

2. Non functioning electronics
When my dvds do not work, or my computer does something I have no idea why and I just bought them. I get so upset. I usually end up smashing them to bits and going and buying a new one.

3. Bad video games
oh yes, I spend lots of money on a game and then it freezes up or glitches. Also when they are super challenging even on the easiest difficulty, when they have that option anyway. Oh so mad I get.

These things are so irrelevant its hilarious. I have never been mad at a person like these things. Oh if I felt the kind of rage I get from those things when someone wanted to fight, I might actually stand a fighting chance, or hell even win. People never bug me like that, no even some of the idiots I have worked for or with in the past. I wish I had more patience then I could deal with alot of the stupid stuff that bothers me, but I don't.

Anyway I just wanted to get that out there. Life has been rough at some points for me but I have got this far. Alot further than alot of other people my age. I do feel like a failure sometimes. I didn't finish college, I haven't gone back, I bounce from dead end job to dead end job no idea where I will end up and how long until I feel the need to start over again. But lately I have been feeling more positive about things. I have a great job, sure it doesn't pay much, I am not going anywhere with it, but I get paid to sit and entertain myself for 8 hours with any means nescessary.

I look at some other people and see their complaints. Some even say they want to kill themselves sometimes. I have never ever considered suicide ever. I was close to giving up all together when I lived in Arizona before coming here, but I believe a higher power intervened and has shown me things can get better with positive thinking. I curse california everyday, usually more than once. But coming here has shown me what positive thinking can do. I up and moved to a whole new area without any family coming with me, not knowing if I'd have a job. It all worked out because I kept knowing in my heart that things would work out. I am not saying you have to believe in God like I do. It would certainly help you alot but no one can force you to do that.

I have actually deleted people off of my facebook for their negativity. I mean every day there would be so much complaining about how hard things are, how shes giving up. First of all, I know how her life is, and its way better than mine. She works for a great company with tons of advancement, has weekends and holidays off. Let me say first of all, if you work monday through friday daylight hours, your job is good. Even if you work for an unbelievable asshole and your pay isn't much, the hours make it better than mine. Most jobs with these hours pay more than what I make anyway. Second of all, if you live all by yourself and can afford food, rent, and cell phone, plus always going out to bars every weekend, then you are doing just fine. My gf and I went out to eat last weekend to an actual restaraunt for the first time in months. We can't afford that. Of course we could if we watched our other expenses but we choose to give that up over new toys for home. I, however, do not think my life is anywhere near bad.

Now if you hate your job that much that it depresses you, then you should quit and find something else. Especially if you are in retail or fast food. Those are the worst to work in. But thinking positive will help. Never let the bad days bring you down! I am not saying this is easy. I get frustrated all the time and it leads me to having a bad day. In the end I still try to remember things will always work out. Thinking positive does help, try it and see!